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Post by theboycopeland on Feb 18, 2002 6:24:21 GMT -5
Anyone know any good jokes?
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Post by playboy on Feb 18, 2002 13:30:56 GMT -5
ok here we go...
(the faint-hearted may want to leave this thread now)
How do you make a 11 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!
How do you fit 500 jews into a civic?
ash tray
Why did the blonde have bruises on her naval after sex?
her boyfriend was blonde too
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Post by Max on Feb 19, 2002 11:32:05 GMT -5
HA fucking HA Playboy, glad I got a sick sense of humor too or I would faint.
You guys hear the story about Randy the Rooster?
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Post by playboy on Feb 19, 2002 16:10:38 GMT -5
no, but do tell
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Post by HORSE on Feb 19, 2002 21:16:10 GMT -5
As long as we're being extremely sick and offensive...
What do you get when you stick a steak knife up a 10-year-old boys ass?
An erection.
One of my roommates told me that one, so blame him.
Here's one more:
A woman is in the process of having a baby. After about 12 hours of labor, she finally delivers a boy. The doctor holds him up by the ankles, swings him around his head and throws him into a wall. The woman starts screaming. "What the hell are you doing to my baby?!" The doctor looks at the mother and says,"Don't worry... it was stillborn."
All hate mail should be directed to horsefilms@hotmail.com
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Post by theboycopeland on Feb 20, 2002 17:35:59 GMT -5
2 paedophiles are sitting on a park bench when a seven year old girl walks by. One Paedo says to the other "I bet she was alright when she was younger"
Man goes to the doc complaining of stress. Doc says "what you want to do is spend a half hour sucking on the wife's nipple tonight, then come back tomorrow and we'll see how you feel"
Man comes back to the doc's the next day and doc asks how he is feeling. Man says "I feel great and by the way, you've a nice house"
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Post by theboycopeland on Feb 20, 2002 17:39:22 GMT -5
Horse's joke reminds me of another:
Dr to woman after baby born - "I got good news and bad news"
Woman - "what's the bad news?"
Dr - "you're baby was born with ginger hair"
Woman - "What's the good news?"
Dr - "It was still born"
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Post by playboy on Feb 20, 2002 21:30:49 GMT -5
dude walks into a men's room and sees a very very short man at the urinals. The man cant help but to notice that the short man has a HUGE dick. he says to the short man "i couldnt help but to notice your extremely large unit, how are u so short with such a huge dickus?" the short man then replies "well, im a leprachaun and if you grant me a wish you can have a huge cock just like me." the man agrees to do whatever it takes. the leprachaun says "if you give me good head ill make your penis as big as mine" the man agrees and gruels through the experience of sucking this leprachaun's dick. after he is finished the leprachaun asks "how old are you?" the man replies "im 21 years old" the leprachaun then says "arent you a bit old to go believing in leprachauns?"
ok sorry i know it was long and prolly not worth the read, but oh well i heard it like in 4th grade.
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Post by Goregirl on Feb 21, 2002 0:48:50 GMT -5
Hahahaha! VERY FUNNY!!
Here's a couple I heard recently, and I hope they read as funny as they sounded.
What's the difference between a Jew and an apple pie?
The apple pie doesn't scream when you put it into the oven.
another one....
Why weren't there any Ricans on Star Trek?
Cause even in the future, they wont work.
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Post by Max on Feb 21, 2002 12:34:42 GMT -5
One for the ladies of the board  The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife. "The agent said, 'Then you are not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard; one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks... I had to beat him to death with the chair." |
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Post by HORSE on Feb 21, 2002 15:14:45 GMT -5
I love that one! ;D
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Post by theboycopeland on Feb 21, 2002 16:46:30 GMT -5
3 teams are out on a training excerise in the woods. The judge says to team 1 (the SAS) to go into the woods and catch a rabbit. The SAS go into the woods with all their gear and after an hour a single shot is heard and out come the the SAS with a dead rabbit. The judge says well done, you've passed the test.
Judge gives the same instructions to team 2 (the army). Army goes into woods and after 6 hours there is a load of shooting and explosions. The army guys come out with a burnt up dishevelled looking rabbit. Judge looks at the rabbit and although it is messed up, it is still very much a rabit. Judge tells the army they've passed the test.
Team 3 (the Police) are told by the judge that they must now catch their rabbit. The Police stroll into the woods, hands behind back and whistling. After 2 days the police finally emerge with a live squirrel. The judge says to the police that this is a squirrel not a rabbit and tells them that they must go back and get a rabbit or they fail the test. 2 more days pass and the police stroll out of the woods holding the same live squirrel, only it looks a bit ragged. the judge says to the policeman holding the squirrel. "I told you before, that's a squirrel".
The policeman looks at the squirrel square in the eyes and the squirrel turns to the judge and says "No sir, I'm rabbit alright"
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Post by playboy on Feb 21, 2002 19:18:07 GMT -5
3 travelers travel to an undiscovered island in the middle of no where. apparently there is a tribe of savages living there, who capture the three men. the leader of the tribe says each of you will go into the forest and each fill a bucket up with one kind of fruit then come back.
the first comes back with apples, the leader says im going to shove everyone of your apples up your ass and if you keep a straight face ill let you survive, if you dont ill kill you. halfway through the apples, the guy starts crying and says he just couldnt take it, so he is killed. the second guy comes back with a bucket full of cherries, the leader tells him the same thing, the guy says no sweat, and so begins the insertion. on the last cherry the guy starts laughing, the leader asks why did you laugh when you only had cherries and could have survived, the guy says well it wasnt that bad, but i just had to laugh because i saw the third guy coming back with a bucket full of pineapples.
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Post by Devil55 on Feb 21, 2002 23:07:38 GMT -5
What do management consultants call hermaphrodites?
Self-sufficient
A teenage boy was playing with himself in the bathroom when his father walked in and said,"Son,if you don't stop doing that,You'll go blind".
The boy replied,"Dad,I'm over here."
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